I can dress as nice as I can, put on the biggest smile, tell the best story, give the best gift, but at the end of the day it’s how you make people feel is what they remember. I received all this love this weekend and it baffles me. I caused so much drama and grief last year, but these people are so excited and happy to see me. Me? I left last year knowing I wouldn’t see many of them or keep in contact, maybe keeping a few, but the number of people who were genuinely happy to see me is amazing.
It makes me feel awful too. So many people like me for who I presented to them last year. I’m manipulative. They don’t know how much of a show I put on. They don’t know how about the days I would lay in my room too depressed to get out of bed. They just know I was the goofy girl who drank too much and rapped the humpty dance and thought farts were funny. No one knew that I’d drive to walmart and just cry and cry and cry in the middle of the night. My roommates were the only ones who knew.this show I’ve put on for too long needs to stop. I am so disgusted with the person I’ve been lately. I really messed up on Friday, and I couldn’t even deal with myself Saturday. My roommate asked me why I was upset and I couldn’t just openly tell her “hey I really hate myself right now” so I just made up some lame excuse. I’m in town for one weekend and I ruined one night because I couldn’t deal with myself. Like what am I doing. I’m not an object and I need to stop letting myself and others treat me like it. I lost all my self respect, let myself get used, let myself be walked all over. I’m tired of being alone all the time. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay with my life right now. What I don’t like is that I offer to be there for everyone if they ever need it, but when people offer it to me..I always deny it. I just don’t feel like my problems are worthy of anyone’s time, and even if they were, my problems are an easy fix. I feel selfish for feeling the way I do when my life really isn’t as bad as it could be. I have a roof over my head and parents that care about me. I’m just selfish, and it’s 2am.
Life doesn’t stop when I do.
when he asks for nudes but you’re not in the mood
That face you make when you find weird shit at stores, and then offer it to your friend.